Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So. Much. Porn.
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