Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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