God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
