Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
