New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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