She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
