how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
