NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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