I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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