How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think I am morally bankrupt
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
