D3 body, D1 cock
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
