turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
