I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
