Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
