bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
