last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
