see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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