There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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