You smell like a Billy Joel song
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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