I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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