I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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