you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
