i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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