just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
