i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
