I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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