So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
