my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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