Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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