Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
