They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm both gender and math confused
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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