she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
