I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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