so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
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We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
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He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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