Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
