I'm passing your future prison.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
