If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
