maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
