Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
