no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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