I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
