he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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