They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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