those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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