Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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