I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
