What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
