i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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