And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just gift wrapped bread.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
