Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
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Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
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this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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