i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
