every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
