hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize