i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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