Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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