She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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