I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
