it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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