it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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