so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
