my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
