He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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