Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
how drunk are you?
Several
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
