Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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