did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
