it's like iHOP with fire
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
