My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
