She said her name was "party"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
