guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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