I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I love you. Go after that dick
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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