we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I am mentally ready for anal.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
