Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
