y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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