grandma shit on top of the toilet
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Success! We fucked roommates!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize