i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
