maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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