I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
do herpes really smell.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
